A Lithuanian Drunk


Last night, the USA Pavilion hosted a 4th of July party for all the USA staff inside the pavilion. We closed down the pavilion to visitors earlier than usual and the festivities began. Asians flocked to the props table for Minnie Mouse ears and silly hats, balloon hats slowly appeared on heads, and an Uncle Sam on stilts danced around the room. This was the first time I’ve celebrated the 4th of July in four years since I’m always in China over the summer.

After a fun night of celebration, Jillian and I finally headed back to the Expo Village. About one row away from our building, I notice a man passed out on a bench. Now, normally this isn’t a weird sight in China. People sleep in public areas all the time, just sprawled out. But since it was almost 4 in the morning, I figured maybe we should wake the guy up. He took quite a few shakes to the shoulder, jabs to the knee, and screams to the ear before he even registered we were there.  When he finally sat up, he kept telling us about a roommate that he was a) waiting for upstairs, b) meeting up with down here, c) couldn’t find, and d) I don’t have a roommate. He continually switched between these explanations so we had no idea what he was talking about. When he started walking/stumbling, he picked up the plastic bag that had been lying next to him on the bench. “Here. take this, it isn’t mine.”

Me: “Are you sure?  Because it’s not ours.”

Him: “Oh, well if it isn’t yours…” and he chucks the bag into the bushes!!

Jillian is still trying to hold him up and as he hugs her repeatedly I go over to see what was in the bag. I pick up a cell phone that had fallen out and after refusing that it was his a few times, he finally realizes “oh wait, yeah, that is my phone.” He doesn’t seem too phased that its missing the back cover and the battery. Actually, he didn’t even notice. So I rummage through the bag, which has bread, a can of beer, and the other parts to his cell phone, and give him his pieces back. He decides he’s completely ready to go, three cell phones pieces in his hand, so he heads off towards his building…..after chucking the plastic bag back into the bushes because he didn’t want the bread “that wasn’t his.”

Jillian and I then wait to see how exactly he is going to get into his building…he needs his key. But the man, who said he was from IsraEgyLithuaniananieaneuh (we decided on Lithuania) and also claimed he had been asleep on that bench for two hours, just walks right up to the locked door and tries to rip it open. The left door bends but doesn’t open at the top. The right door, however…he grabs the long vertical handle with both hands, pulls really hard, and the entire handle pops off! He ripped the huge door handle off the door! He drunkenly chucks it behind him AND THEN reaches into his pocket, unlocks the door, and carries on his way.

Now, of course, we didn’t let him have the other beer that was in his bag. (Although Jillian did stupidly asked if he wanted his beer and bread) Once we got back to our rooms- after dying laughing on the ground downstairs for a while, I mean, he broke the door for goodness sake- I realize we still have his beer can….and it’s still cold?!

So he was passed out on the bench dead-asleep, yet his beer still had condensation. I’m very curious as to how that man’s night actually went down. Happy Fourth of July, buddy!

Leave a Reply